listening to: 'chasing pavements' - adele
no it's not my birthday yet, but it's getting close! only a week to go. so this is my very last week of being a teenager.
i'm pretty much terrified of turning 20; quarter-life crisis much? just thinking about it makes my stomache feel hollow. i think i'm suffering from a case of peter pan syndrome... and as the big 2-0 draws ever nearer i'm getting more and more anxious. does this mean i have to grow up now? be responsible? stop laughing at the word uranus?
the christmas of 2006 was my first 'grownup' christmas. instead of fun stuff, like a pink bike with streamers on the handlebars or even a pink cellphone, i got a new duvet. sheets. towels. an electric jug. etc. ok whatever, i needed them in preparation for my first year of flatting (blah blah blaaaaaaaaah), but Yawn. note the capital Y. so, the christmas of 2006 was kind of a wakeup call for me. all my life, i've been the kind of person who has been all "i can't wait for when...". when i was 10 i couldn't wait to be 13. when i was 13 i couldn't wait to be 16. when i was 16 i couldn't wait to be 18. but it's all been downhill from there folks! impending adulthood is drawing ever so close.
but since some of my girlfriends gave me a copy of the secret at my joint birthday bash with kim, i'm trying to be positive about entering my 20s. it means i'm closer to finishing uni and actually getting a job; in turn i'm closer to being able to buy all the clothes that have been out of my broke student reach.
i'm also hoping that i can at least start TRYING to leave behind the whole sheep mentality that seems to mark adolescence: maybe now i will have more confidence in myself as a person, and will focus more on being who i really am rather than being one of the crowd.
one thing i have noticed about university is the whole clique thing. i thought we all left that behind in high school, but apparently not. the only thing im not looking forward to when i return to uni is seeing the throngs of overly-made up girls with super straight hair, permanant mandarin complexions and puffer jackets worn with grey skinny jeans, tucked into black leather boots.
it's easy to be just another clone - it's too easy. hopefully the year i turn 20 will be the year i finally set myself apart from the people who grate on my nerves so much, and not care.
ps: while we're on the topic of my birthday FEBRUARY 2ND i just want you all (all 2? of you) to know that dad relented and got me the stella mccartney jacket! will post pics asap.