Monday, December 17, 2007

im back

listening to: 'charmer' - kings of leon
well, here i am. haven't written in months. i guess because writing what has happened in my life recently has been so daunting.
there is nothing i can really do to soften what i am about to say (as you can see by my amazingly poor sentence structure this is the first time i have written ANYTHING in a long long while). my life has been divided into before and after... on august 27, my mum had a heart attack and died.
so, things have changed pretty drastically. i withdrew from my papers at uni and moved back home to invercargill to be with my dad & renee. since august i've been struggling to work, clean, cook, look after everybody else, and keep my own head above water.
nothing i can write really sums up everything i feel or think; words are so inadequate. it goes without saying that i'm grieving so much. i truly think of her every single minute of every single day. even when i'm not thinking specifically about my mum, and how much i miss her, it's there in the back of my mind. i had never really understood how that phrase - the back of my mind - worked, but though it's so cliche and trite it really is possible to be thinking of something when your attention is focused towards an entirely different topic. it's always there.
i don't want this whole post to be about my mum, and everything i feel. i'll write my thoughts as i think them... i just thought i better mention what has been happening before i started in on anything else.
so. in other news.
when i was working at acc - it was just a temp job; i've finished there now - i would often get very very bored (the work was rather mind numbing after awhile) and began trolling websites for something to help me get through the sheer dullness of each day! i happened to stumble across some amazing blogs, which in turn have prompted me to get back here and write myself.
so please, bear with me if my posts are boring or whatever.... my writing is hardly on the same scale as other blogs out there, but i promise to work on it! at any rate i'll put on some links to some better blogs haha.
will probably post again later today or tomorrow... sometime soon anyway - as soon as i have an idea of what to write about.
ps. from now on, this blog is dedicated to my mum, mere anna kohuwai -- love you.

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